When Jaya sent me this guest blog post, it was the perfect timing after a really difficult couple of days. Finding the small moments in life to care for ourselves, lean in on our support networks, and giving ourselves grace were reminders I needed. - Elizabeth
How Do We Care For Ourselves While Raising Neurodiverse Children?
Parenting is not easy; the demands of children can take a toll on us mentally and physically. Parenting is intense, it is an all consuming journey, and yes, everyone will say that all parents have it hard. I don't deny this fact; however, raising a child known to the world as neurotypical and one that is preverbal autistic adds a layer of complexity. I have poured all of my energy into advocating for my son, aimed at creating a world that works to meet his needs while ensuring my daughter’s needs are met. But far too often, my own needs are lost in the process.
The phrase “you can't pour from an empty cup” comes to mind, but somehow, I do. I pour from an empty cup. I'm navigating meltdowns, medical appointments, daily battles that are each unique, as well as the usual unpredictability that comes with being a parent. And yet, I’m expected to add self care into that mix? Ha. That's definitely a luxury that is unattainable. One thing is for sure, I would do anything for…a full day of just calm. No screaming, no crying, just calm. One day in a while would be bliss.
The Emotional Load of Parenting Neurodiverse Children
I'm writing this, sitting in the passenger seat of my mum’s car. Why, you may ask? Because I tried to take my son shopping. And why, you ask again, with an even more puzzled look on your face? Because I would like to achieve some level of normalcy in my life. I would like to be able to go into one shop but no, this is not part of my immediate reality. Maybe one day, but that day is not today. So, I sit in the passenger seat while my mum finds the things I need to create sensory activities for him. My daughter, not wanting to be without me, sits in the backseat. My son, meanwhile, is in the driver’s seat, pretending to drive, trying to sing "The Wheels on the Bus." I sing along, hoping to get even a single word out of him but all I get is babble in tune.
Raising a child who sees and hears the world differently means there is no autopilot. Every social interaction, sensory challenge, or unexpected change requires a full on evacuation style plan just to keep it as seamless as possible. Throw in sibling dynamics, financial pressures, and the complete emotional toll of advocating for them in systems that aren’t built for them, and it’s no wonder parental burnout is such a huge topic. I love my children fiercely, but love alone isn't going to sustain us. I have to make space for my own well-being.
Finding Moments for Ourselves
So, how exactly are we supposed to find time for ourselves when our responsibilities are never ending?! Ah man, I wish I had the ultimate parental handbook with detailed steps for this but the truth is, we don't have to wait for a grand opportunity, we don't need those lengthy guides! We need to embrace the small moments, finding those may seem impossible but I promise you they are there. We don't notice them but it's not about the lavish. Sometimes, self care isn't about spa days or gals vacations. Sometimes, it's the five minutes of silence in the bathroom, the warm cup of tea before it gets cold, the deep breaths before a meltdown escalates.
It is all about redefining what self care means and I’ve started redefining self care in ways that fit into my life. It might be listening to music while washing dishes, stretching while my son stims, or texting a friend when I feel lonely, or dancing in the living room every evening with my children. I have to remind myself that I deserve care too, even if the world tries to convince me otherwise and trust me, I am always wondering if the universe would ever just give in a teeny bit.
Building a Support System
Another essential part of caring for ourselves is acknowledging that yes being a parent makes us powerhouses and we one hundred percent can do it ourselves if we need to but we don't have to! It takes a village to raise any child and for those of us raising neurodiverse children, that village is even more vital. Whether it's family, friends, therapists, or online support groups, having people who understand and validate our struggles makes a world of difference because we are not alone.
For a long time, I felt guilty about asking for help. I thought it meant I was failing. But I’ve come to realise that asking is actually an act of strength. Leaning on others when you need to doesn’t mean that you love your children any less. It means you love them enough to ensure that you do not crumble in the process.
Giving Ourselves Grace
At the end of the day, we are human. We are not bottomless wells of patience and energy. There will be moments when we will feel like we are failing, when we will feel pure exhaustion, when that resentment creeps in. And that is okay. We need to give ourselves grace and remind ourselves that we are doing the best we can with what we have.
Caring for ourselves is not selfish. It is essential. If we want to continue being the advocates, protectors, and loving parents our children need, we have to nurture ourselves too.
One deep breath at a time, one small act of kindness toward ourselves, we can reclaim moments of joy. And maybe, just maybe, our cups won’t be quite so empty after all.
Jaya Narinesingh is the founder of Bamboo, a platform dedicated to supporting neurodiverse children and their parents. As a single mother navigating the complexities of parenting both a pre verbal autistic child and a child the world sees as neurotypical, she shares raw, honest experiences that highlight the resilience. Through Bamboo, she provides insights, resources, and a supportive community for anyone seeking guidance. With lived experience at the heart of her work, she is committed to empowering others to embrace both the challenges and joys of the neurodiverse world. You can find her on Instagram at @bamboo.elevate