Here is a really interesting blog post on being the default parent from one of our brand reps who you can find on Instagram @lifewithaliceelizabeth. This is something that really hits home.
What does it mean to be the default parent? It means that the majority of the parenting tasks fall on your shoulders, by default. Typically, as a mum, it falls to us.
Society these days, wants mums to be able to do everything. If you choose to run a house and be a stay-at-home mum, you’re lazy because you don’t work. If you choose to be a working mum, what’s the point in having a child if someone else is going to raise them?
The pressure placed on us is insane. From external sources like doctors, hospitals, childcare, family and friends. If your child is in childcare or school, who do they typically call first when somebody is needed? If your child has an appointment, who do they call to confirm? If your family or friends want to catch up, who do they normally message? Who keeps their wardrobe up to date with correct-sized clothes? Who does the majority of organising birthdays and Christmas and other holidays?
Society these days, wants mums to be able to do everything. If you choose to run a house and be a stay-at-home mum, you’re lazy because you don’t work. If you choose to be a working mum, what’s the point in having a child if someone else is going to raise them?
The pressure placed on us is insane. From external sources like doctors, hospitals, childcare, family and friends. If your child is in childcare or school, who do they typically call first when somebody is needed? If your child has an appointment, who do they call to confirm? If your family or friends want to catch up, who do they normally message? Who keeps their wardrobe up to date with correct-sized clothes? Who does the majority of organising birthdays and Christmas and other holidays?
Oh and not forgetting if you do anything without your child present. The judgement. The pressure. It honestly baffles me. Dads don’t get that. They get ‘yeah you deserve a night off'.
You also compare yourself to other mums. Especially on social media, where being a mum is painted as all sunshine and rainbows. When in reality, it isn’t. When your child is poorly, who is typically the one to handle it? When your child is upset? When your child needs something? Mums.
Now I’m not saying dads don’t do anything. I’m not saying they don’t help. It is just entirely different being a mum than being a dad. I’ve heard dads say when asked what they’re up to at the weekend, that they’re babysitting. No. You don’t babysit your own children that you wanted and helped create. Mums don’t get praise for researching and taking their children out for the day. Dads do. ‘Oh, aren’t you lucky to have a dad that brings you to all these incredible places?'
You also compare yourself to other mums. Especially on social media, where being a mum is painted as all sunshine and rainbows. When in reality, it isn’t. When your child is poorly, who is typically the one to handle it? When your child is upset? When your child needs something? Mums.
Now I’m not saying dads don’t do anything. I’m not saying they don’t help. It is just entirely different being a mum than being a dad. I’ve heard dads say when asked what they’re up to at the weekend, that they’re babysitting. No. You don’t babysit your own children that you wanted and helped create. Mums don’t get praise for researching and taking their children out for the day. Dads do. ‘Oh, aren’t you lucky to have a dad that brings you to all these incredible places?'
Another aspect to consider when being the default parent. We are hardly ever in photos. Nobody gets the camera out to snap a candid shot of us with our babes. However, we do with their dads.
Now I know in reality, it’s down to us to share the load. Is it fair that we need to ask for help? That we don’t get to be associated as the ‘fun’ parent when compared to dad. Is that fair? The ‘societal norm’ that mums need to live up to all of these expectations definitely, is not fair. It’s not fair that all of this pressure and expectations are placed on us. When truth be told, we are trying to figure it all out on the way.
Now I know in reality, it’s down to us to share the load. Is it fair that we need to ask for help? That we don’t get to be associated as the ‘fun’ parent when compared to dad. Is that fair? The ‘societal norm’ that mums need to live up to all of these expectations definitely, is not fair. It’s not fair that all of this pressure and expectations are placed on us. When truth be told, we are trying to figure it all out on the way.